October 13, 2011

• Why did I move?!?

  I seriously want to move back into my old house.  I know a lot of people won't understand my situation because they don't have OCD like I do, but I HATE change.  In the end I always end up being fine, but the getting there wrecks havoc on me.  My OCD is strongest when it comes to organizing and cleaning, and it all has to make sense (well, sense to me) and be as perfect as possible.  This means that as I'm putting my new house together I keep getting caught up in tiny details.  It means that I will start with one room and literally not pick up or clean any other room while working on the decided room.  The rest of the house ends up a disaster area.  And because this space is all new to me I'm having a hard time figuring out where everything should go.  I had finished the cat room, bathroom, master bedroom and guest bedroom - then decided it made more sense to switch the 2 bedrooms around.  Then I had a problem with sorting out all the stuff that was to be stored in the guest bedroom closet.  My office is about half done so as you can imagine having to work in that mess is driving me mad.  I'm also notorious for getting so fed up I will start throwing away things if I can't find the right spot to put them.  I hate that I inherited a bunch of furniture from my parents because now everything is mismatched and that drives me crazy as well, but I can't afford all new furniture at once so I have to do it room-by-room over time.  To make matters worse I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and the weather has me feeling somewhat depressed.  It's hard to get motivated when you can't even figure out where to start.  I can't relax or sleep because of the stress I've put myself under with this place being such a mess.  

  To make matters even worse (is that possible, why yes it is!) I forced a deadline on myself by deciding to have a Halloween/Housewarming party on October 29.  I guess I don't have to worry too much about that though, since I've already received 3 invites to other parties that same night.  Great, I have tons of decorations and party favors, a hell of a good menu planned out, an awesome costume and an amazing Halloween music playlist and I'm guessing at this point I'll be lucky if 4 or 5 people show up.  

  I used to throw the best Halloween parties and everyone always wanted to be at my party - but the last few years when the agoraphobia and social anxiety got worse and worse I lost contact with a lot of friends and my circle of friends shrunk considerably.  The party this year might not be very big but my goal for the next year is to reconnect with old friends and make new friends as well - I am determined to take back my "best Halloween party" status, lol.  

  I swear the only way I'm moving out of this house is in a body bag.

  • 9:09 pm
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