Nice surprise that I'm still here, lol. So I got some bad news last week - I've been laid off. I think I'm still in the "shocked" phase. I go in tomorrow to finalize all the paperwork. Guess I could use some of my freed up time to learn the new Xanga.

Nothing like procrastination, right?  I'm still in denial that I'm about to lose the site where I've blogged for the past 10 years of my life.  I really should have done this sooner, but I still have no idea where I will be blogging.  I keep my FB mainly to stay in touch with a few family and friends who are out of state, but I guess I'm going to offer up my site here for those who want to stay in touch until I figure out where I'll be.  My Facebook:   facebook.com/melissa.dawn.522  My email:  melissadawnmdw@gmail.com  Please don't hesitate to contact me if you want to stay in touch or to let me know where you'll be blogging so I can follow you!  Thanks for the memories, goodbye Xanga! 

I'm reading all my old Xanga entries - having been here 10 years there are actually a few where I've thought "What?!?  I don't remember blogging that at all!"  Unfortunately my OCD got the better of me early on and to avoid having to scroll through so many posts when searching for something specific, I archived, downloaded, and then *deleted* most of my posts, so I lost almost all comments.  :(  Where is everyone going if/when Xanga shuts down?  I haven't even started looking, but would like to stay in touch with everyone, so if anyone knows where they're going PM me the information, please.  :)

Wow!  Where does the time go?  There used to be a time when I was always posting on Xanga, then it started dwindling, but I think 7 months is the longest I've gone without updating my Weblog.  My last post was in September 2012 and it's now March 16 - hmmm, I do see a correlation with when my Seasonal Affective Disorder kicks in and admittedly it was bad enough this time around that I decided to take Buproprion for the depression - and in the hopes of quitting smoking, which still has not happened.  I also got involved with a couple of different murder cases (I'm on WebSleuths and a couple of other similar sites that discuss crime).  One of the cases was local, like *really* local as in right here in N. St. Paul where the teenage daughter of an old high school friend of mine was stabbed to death by her boyfriend.  So tragic.  I don't have a lot to say though as I don't do much in the winter, plus I bought a few computer games and ended up hooked on those, lol.  I have cabin fever, that's for sure.  It snowed again tonight.  I'm going to see Iris Dement in concert on April 6, I hope the snow is gone by then.  

Oh yeah, 2 weeks ago I scratched my cornea by accidentally poking myself in the eye with a makeup brush.  This should have healed up in approximately 3 days, but no, not with me of course!  It happened on a Saturday evening, went to the doctor on Monday, ended up back at the doctor on Thursday, then the ophthalmologist the same day.  Then I was started on antibiotic eyedrops and told to go to urgent care over the weekend if it was getting worse, otherwise follow up on Monday.  Ended up going to urgent care on Saturday, had to go back again when the ophthalmologist finally got there.  He dilated my eye which made it feel better, and he said it looked like it was getting better to him.  Then at my followup on Monday I ended up seeing a different ophthalmologist than the one I had first seen and he said it looked like it was getting better too, except I was still having a lot of pain.  Went back again for another followup on Thursday and was able to see the first ophthalmologist who saw me.  He said it's not getting better and this is worrisome, so now I'm on steroid eyedrops and have another followup on Monday.  He did tell me that if the steroids were going to work I would notice a dramatic difference the first day or so.  I started the drops Thursday night and Friday was the first time since this injury happened that I woke up and my eye was actually pain-free and felt fine.  Hopefully I really am healing this time.

I haven't gotten any more cats, or other pets, lol.  This is a dangerous possibility when I have a bout of depression, but my best friend kept me in line this time around, though we did stop at the pet store last Saturday, in-between urgent care visits, to look at the cats up for adoption.  

Anyway, just thought I'd drop in and say hi!  Hopefully my desire to blog will pick up again, but if not I am still reading and commenting, so you might see me around.  :)

I'm running out of resources to figure this out - math makes my head explode, lol.  Anyway, I participate in Websleuths and we're discussing a case of an amitriptyline overdose. The medical record states that 5 hours after being pronounced dead amitriptyline levels were 7909 ng/mL with nortriptyline levels of 2833 ng/mL.  According to my research amitriptyline breaks down into noritriptyline so this report is stating she still had 7909 ng/mL of amitriptyline in her blood, and the 2833 ng/mL of noritriptyline is broken down amitriptyline.  Basically, I'm trying desperately to figure out how many mg of amitriptyline would have to be ingested to get those levels.  I know this is a long shot, but I also know some of you out there are pretty damn smart and, again, I suck at math, lol.  

My parents live in Florida in a retirement park that has a hurricane shelter.  However, the park only allows humans in the shelter.  My parents have made reservations at a hotel that accepts pets, in Georgia, in case they have to evacuate due to Hurricane Isaac. 

I've been trying to quit smoking on and off for a long time now, without any success.  I think I may have finally stumbled on the motivation I need to succeed in quitting smoking.  As I finished reading the book "Dewey" about a library cat in Iowa, I came to the realization that I really, really wanted another cat.  I had been half-heartedly considering getting another cat for months, but reading that book made me realize how much I really do want to bring another cat into the house.  I have plenty of room and means to care for another cat.  There are only two issues to be sorted out with bringing another cat into the house.  First, I have been feeling incredibly guilty about the fact that my smoking affects my cats.  There haven't been any actual issues that have arisen, yet, but I know it's no more healthy for them to be exposed to my second-hand smoke than it is for me to be smoking.  The other issue is just what cat to get, meaning it has to be specific things in order to successfully incorporate into a house already occupied by cats.  That one was pretty easy.  It has to be a boy, it has to be a kitten not an adult cat, and it has to be a long-haired kitten.  The first two, boy and kitten, have the best chance at bonding with my other cats - the last one, long-haired, is my own personal preference to keep shedding down.  I have one short-haired cat and she sheds like crazy, lol.  

So now I have a goal/motivation for quitting smoking.  My plan is that I cannot, no matter what, get another cat until I have successfully quit smoking and squirreled away the money to have the kitten fixed when it's time.  So tonight I'm finishing my last pack of cigarettes.  I had already started looking at kittens at the local shelter, but I've promised myself I won't do that again until I've gone at least 7 days without a cigarette so I don't ambush my plan by finding the perfect kitten too soon.  However, I do already have the first name of the new kitten picked out.  All my cats have two names, and they are all South African Zulu names with the second names all starting with Z.  When I got my last kitten, Kaya, I had planned on naming "him" Sipho, but after the vet got "him" all cleaned up we discovered it was actually a "she".  She was found outside, abandoned, sick and injured which is why we couldn't tell the sex until she was all cleaned up.  Sipho means "gift" and since this kitten will be a gift to myself for successfully quitting smoking I think it's a fine fit.  The second name will have to start with a Z to go with my current pride of cats, but I'm going to hold off on picking that one after I get the kitten.  

What a great laugh for a Monday.  Remember how on AUGUST 3 I posted a weblog entry titled "bitch blocked me", about mtngirlsouth and her underhandedness?  Remember now, she made a response to me in her comments and then proceeded to block me so I couldn't respond.  My blog about her blocking me was simply a copy and paste of her comment and my response to it.  The only thing in that blog I wrote that could be construed as "hateful" was the title where I called her a bitch, which was written in the heat of the moment because this is hardly the first time she's pulled shit like this and I was sick of it.  

So I do that blog and respond to a few comments on my own blog - mind you all the while I've been blocked from mtngirlsouth's blog and I did NOT block her from my blog - why would I?  I have nothing to hide, I stand by my statements.  So about a week later I do one of my routine posts about an upcoming party - 99% of my blog is just boring crap about what's going on in my personal life.  I had my say on the issue and as far as I'm concerned it's over and done with - move on.  Then today (17 DAYS AFTER THE FACT) I find out mtngirlsouth has done a blog post about me.  I guess her and her bully-buddy who plans to travel the country physically assaulting others for saying bad things on the Interwebz considered my previous entry a "hate blog" dedicated to mtngirlsouth.  It was a response blog, learn the fucking difference.  So yeah, I managed to get a copy and paste of her blog entry about me which starts off with:

"A while back, I had a confrontation with a blogger on here whose xanga name is Melissa___Dawn. You can read the entire confrontation on this blog (LINK) starting here (LINK). I just *blocked her because she completely ignored what I was actually saying. Anyway, in that exchange, I did say to her, "....Which makes me think that what you really do want is to have the authority to throw us in jail, or an insane asylum. To make the Bible an illegal book...." (LINK)"

She says she "just blocked her (me) because she completely ignored what I was actually saying."  I sincerely doubt that. If you read all the comments to her first link you will see that I and another person were consistently asking her to answer one specific question over and over again and SHE is the one who never answered the question.  Furthermore, I cleared it up in my own comments (LINK specific response to QuantumStorm is where it is) where I CLEARLY stated that after reviewing the whole thing over again I may have misunderstood a part of her argument.  She's trying to make me out to be a blatant liar when I took the high road all along and admitted there may have been a misunderstanding - of course, since she had me blocked I couldn't very well comment on her site about that, but then again I didn't block her and I know damn well she saw my comment.  

The next part of her blog dedicated to me goes like this:

"She went and wrote a whole blog about me which is titled "Bitch blocked me" and now she declares that I block people when I can't handle their arguments. In the comments, she says about me, "I also suspect the reason she went off the rails on my last comment, ranting about how I wanted to ban christianity and put christians in jail, was because she's just projecting what she'd like to do to homosexuals and atheists." 

That was a comment I left on MY blog - definite proof she was over here reading my blog and my comments and saw all my responses, yet completely ignored where I admitted there may have been a misunderstanding.  Oh yeah, even though I admitted there may have been a misunderstanding I also pointed out that the misunderstanding didn't really make a difference on the point of her argument since separate but equal does NOT work.

She does block people when she can't handle their arguments.  Well, first she just stops responding, hoping that ignoring her glaring mistakes will go unnoticed, then she blocks them.  I really would love to show you such blog posts of hers from the past, but apparently she was at least smart enough in JUST THE  LAST WEEK to go through and delete (or make private at least) TONS of entries from her blog.  Gee, I wonder why?!?  

Moving right along here:  

"Now, I ask you, how many homosexuals and atheists are being put in jail because of that? And then I would like you to go read the following two news articles about two men who WERE put in an insane asylum because of their beliefs. One has been released, the other, a veteran, (more of a threat) has NOT been.  

Brandon Raub (the vet): http://libertycrier.com/u-s-constitution/its-official-facebook-is-the-department-of-precrime/

-Here is an article he wrote: http://dont-tread-on.me/?p=8988

Jason Ergoff: http://canadafreepress.com/index.php/article/48845"

I'm not quite sure what she is really asking here?  Does she seriously think homosexuals have never been imprisoned in America for being homosexual?  Then explain to me why we ever had sodomy laws in the first place.  

Furthermore, I really take issue with the 2 incidents she cited as an attempt to make it look like I support this kind of thing in any way.  None of us actually know what went on behind closed doors in these mental evaluations.  I read a very lengthy article about Jason Ergoff and the author repeatedly said he reviewed all the hospital records, but NOWHERE have I been able to find these documents - so this is all on the word of those in complete support of Jason Ergoff - who supposedly has the hospital records but has not made them available to anyone outside his circle of allies.  

Furthermore, I don't trust the field of psychiatry either.  And it isn't used just to shut up fundamentalist Christians.  For example, when I was diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes they immediately scheduled me for a one-on-one appointment with a diabetes educator who was supposed to explain my diagnosis, answer my questions and teach me about insulin injections, carb-counting, etc.  This appointment occurred less than one week after I had been told in my doctor's office by a nurse practitioner that I had Diabetes.  I knew very little about the disease except that I would have to inject myself with insulin forever and risked losing my limbs, going blind, and dying from kidney failure.  Needless to say I was in shock.  I went to that appointment and I was angry, scared and upset.  At one point in the appointment I started crying.  I felt like my life was over, like I would be dead in a matter of months.  I told the diabetes educator that I was afraid of needles and there was no way I could do daily multiple injections for the rest of my life, so therefore I was going to die.  She stated she needed to leave the room for a minute, proceeded to leave and called security.  She told security to watch me while she went and got a shrink.  She told the shrink that I was "threatening suicide" - based solely on my statement about not being able to do injections, therefore I'm going to die.  That was not a suicidal statement, that was a terrified "I'm going to die because I don't see how can I inject myself with insulin".  After a lengthy interview with the shrink, I was put on a 72-hour emergency hold based on 2 things; I was not a christian and I was a woman who had slept with more than 2 men.  The shrink was Christian, and as I came to find out later he also had a very hostile attitude toward women.  So they transferred me to the psych ward, this was late afternoon, and I was able to put in writing a request for release.  They told me there was no one available at that point to address my written request, but that another shrink would be in to see me in the morning.  The next morning the second shrink came in to see me.  He stated he read over the other shrink's report and he completely disagreed and was releasing me.  He did inform me that I most likely was suffering from PTSD from the shock of the diagnosis and that I may want to seek help in dealing with that and my diagnosis.  

Psychiatry is NOT a science, it's a lot of guess-work and is biased in MANY different ways depending on the personal biases of the shrinks themselves, so it cuts both ways.  Don't believe me?  Do a Google search on "Christian psychiatrists" and you'll find lots of resources geared to matching your own delusion of God with some shrink with the same delusion so you won't be labeled "delusional" because of that belief.  That being said, it is still very likely that if you walk into that Christian shrink's office and declare that God/Jesus speaks directly to you and tells you to shoot people, you're going to get labeled delusional and locked up in a mental ward.  

Then she says:  "You all can stick your damn heads in the sand and go on back to sleep and call me crazy all you like. I am not making this up, nor am I wishing this on those who disagree with me on religious issues. The facts are here, take it or leave it. You WILL care one day when they come for YOU though."  

Which is followed by the famous quote: 

"First they came for the socialists, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak for me."

 

- Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)

First off, this is sooooooo off-topic of the original debate which was over marriage equality.  The only thing I can think of here is her constant whining that allowing homosexuals to "marry" is somehow taking away her rights - which is the original question I had been asking her over and over and she completely ignored; "name one specific right you will lose if homosexuals are allowed to marry."  It's a freaking ridiculous argument.  Christians aren't losing any rights whatsoever by allowing homosexuals the right to marry.  Furthermore, Christians haven't raised a stink at all about the fact that MANY atheists have been "married" through the years.  Christians never bothered to demand that atheists be given "civil unions" so they didn't "ruin the sanctity of marriage", nope, just the homosexuals.

And for the record, they ARE coming for me, and I'm speaking out about it.  I'm an atheist, marginalized in society and closeted in certain areas of my life so I don't lose my job because I absolutely cannot afford to be without health insurance.  I'm bisexual, denied the civil right to marry another woman.  Let me ask you this, mtngirlsouth, when have YOU spoken up for the atheists, the gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender?  I see you stated that you would not wish the above situation on those who disagree with you, but that's not the same thing as SPEAKING UP for them now is it?  I don't think you fully understand that quote - try inserting "atheists" for "socialists" and "homosexuals" for "trade unionists" - get it yet?  

I am DONE with this now.  I have now blocked mtngirlsouth, not because I disagree with her but because I am sick to death of her dishonesty.  To everyone else, feel free to leave any kind of comment you wish - I promise, unlike some of the so-called "loving christians" on Xanga, none of my big, burly friends will travel the country to hunt you down and physically assault you for being mean on the Interwebz - in fact my atheist friends find that idea quite repulsive.  Have a good night Xanga.

I had today off so I was outside working on the yards and the garage from about 11:00 a.m. to 8:30 p.m.  Had a couple breaks in there to get something to eat and run some errands, but most of the day/evening was spent dealing with outside projects.  Mowed both yards, weed-whacked both yards, pulled out a crap-load of Snow on the Mountain, trimmed the Lilac bushes (which I'm highly allergic to), sprayed more weed killer, switched 2 shepherd hooks around, filled the bird feeders, cleaned/filled the bird bath, set up the lawn furniture for the party this weekend, cleaned the driveway and organized the garage.  Still have to finish organizing the garage, but it's almost done.  I was filthy from head to toe.  My chest is congested, my throat is scratchy, and my eyes have that stringy discharge from allergies.  I'm not really an outdoorsy type of person.  A big part of that is that I've always suffered from seasonal allergies that just keep getting worse and worse.  Another part of that is I DO NOT LIKE BUGS!  And I just found an ant crawling on me.  :(  I don't mind sitting in the backyard reading a book on occasion, and I don't really mind the exercise/work of taking care of the yards/garage, but I always end up feeling like crap for days afterwards.  I think it's time to consider hiring a neighborhood kid to take care of the lawns.  When I moved in here there was a garden out front - we tore that out.  Now I just have to get rid of the rest of the Snow on the Mountain, the Tiger Lilies, the milkweeds(?!?!) and the Lilac bushes, then it will just be grass to deal with, and with my allergies that's more than enough.  The Lilac bushes are going to end up waiting another year since they're more like trees and I will need to hire someone to cut them down, and remove the chain-link fence edging the back of the backyard.  My neighbor's on both sides put up wooden privacy fences, so all I'll have to do is put up a wooden privacy fence along the back.  This will block the view of the dumpster to the apartments behind me, and the wooden fence will be less gapped and taller so it should also stop the damn trash from blowing into my yard.  That stupid ant I mentioned earlier bit me!  I just noticed the bite mark and it itches.  

Anyway, the party this weekend is my 80's themed BBQ so it's mostly going to be outside, hence all the cleaning up outside.  I hope I'm feeling better by Saturday 'cause I worked my ass off for this party and want to just relax and have a great time.  :)  I still need to finish up the playlist, but I have a ton of 80's music so that shouldn't take too long, and get the food ready.  My friend is baking the 3 cakes for the Rubik's Cube cake tomorrow, then we'll do the fondant squares either Friday or Saturday morning.  Tomorrow I'm making the Pac-Man/Ghost chips and dip.  We're buying a veggie and dip tray, hot dogs and buns for those who don't bring their own meat for grilling.  My friend already picked up the stuff for S'mores and a giant bag of Reese's Pieces.  We'll make the Jell-O shots (lime and raspberry) on Friday.  The color theme is hot pink, turquoise and yellow - have that in tablecloths (round, square, and rectangular) and serving trays and dishes, as well some shapes wall decorations.  Boom box centerpieces for the tables.  Oh yeah, I found hacky-sacks for the party favor bags.  The bags are neon fishnet.  Inside are finger skateboards, Rubik's Cube keychains, Atari gum tins, hacky-sacks, neon shutter shades, mini "party animal" playing cards, and mini rubber duckies decked out in 80's new wave looks.  :)  I'll be decked out all 80's style too.  I'm wearing pink heels (yeah, those won't be on very long since I can't walk in heels, lol), black lace tights, neon pink lace ruffle skirt, neon yellow bow belt, a black "I Love the 80's" off-the-shoulder T-shirt, black lace gloves, neon orange headband with black lace bow, some chunky 80's jewelry, and I'm doing my toenails and fingernails in bright orange.  I'm going to rat my hair.  I was going to wear one of my costume wigs, I have one that's 80's crimp style, but it's going to be hot and I wouldn't enjoy the party as much with an itchy head, lol.  Since my parties go all night we'll be setting up the kitchen table to haul everything in when it's too late/dark stay outside, and hanging some movie and music posters from the living room.  The TV will have "The Breakfast Club" running on mute, and I bought a game called "I Love The 80's", kind of like Trivial Pursuit and Pictionary in one and all about the 80's.  It should be a great time.  I'll definitely take pictures of the set-up and the cake (if it turns out well enough) and maybe during the party, after I've had a few drinks and relaxed, someone will snap a picture of me while I'm not paying attention and it will turn out good enough that I'll post it here.  I don't photograph well at all because as soon as I know my picture is being taken I stiffen up and the pictures never look good, lol.  

I know, this post is totally irrelevant, I just needed to unwind so I could get to sleep.