I seriously want to move back into my old house.  I know a lot of people won't understand my situation because they don't have OCD like I do, but I HATE change.  In the end I always end up being fine, but the getting there wrecks havoc on me.  My OCD is strongest when it comes to organizing and cleaning, and it all has to make sense (well, sense to me) and be as perfect as possible.  This means that as I'm putting my new house together I keep getting caught up in tiny details.  It means that I will start with one room and literally not pick up or clean any other room while working on the decided room.  The rest of the house ends up a disaster area.  And because this space is all new to me I'm having a hard time figuring out where everything should go.  I had finished the cat room, bathroom, master bedroom and guest bedroom - then decided it made more sense to switch the 2 bedrooms around.  Then I had a problem with sorting out all the stuff that was to be stored in the guest bedroom closet.  My office is about half done so as you can imagine having to work in that mess is driving me mad.  I'm also notorious for getting so fed up I will start throwing away things if I can't find the right spot to put them.  I hate that I inherited a bunch of furniture from my parents because now everything is mismatched and that drives me crazy as well, but I can't afford all new furniture at once so I have to do it room-by-room over time.  To make matters worse I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and the weather has me feeling somewhat depressed.  It's hard to get motivated when you can't even figure out where to start.  I can't relax or sleep because of the stress I've put myself under with this place being such a mess.  

To make matters even worse (is that possible, why yes it is!) I forced a deadline on myself by deciding to have a Halloween/Housewarming party on October 29.  I guess I don't have to worry too much about that though, since I've already received 3 invites to other parties that same night.  Great, I have tons of decorations and party favors, a hell of a good menu planned out, an awesome costume and an amazing Halloween music playlist and I'm guessing at this point I'll be lucky if 4 or 5 people show up.  

I used to throw the best Halloween parties and everyone always wanted to be at my party - but the last few years when the agoraphobia and social anxiety got worse and worse I lost contact with a lot of friends and my circle of friends shrunk considerably.  The party this year might not be very big but my goal for the next year is to reconnect with old friends and make new friends as well - I am determined to take back my "best Halloween party" status, lol.  

I swear the only way I'm moving out of this house is in a body bag.

I feel like I'm never going to get my new house put together.  I went into DKA a few days ago so I was down and out for a while and I'm starting to get depressed.  Just too much to do and not enough time to get it all done.  I'm also stressing about finances at the moment.  The car and the washing machine are both broke and I still haven't confirmed what my monthly expenses are going to amount to at the new place.  I know my car insurance went up a bit, but the latest bill has a $340 "move fee" on it and they want me to pay $553 by October 19.  I don't think so.  Seriously, with that "move fee" in there it would have been cheaper to cancel the policy outright and then sign up again, who are they kidding?!?  Now that Qwest has been bought out by CenturyLink I'm having a huge hassle with them as well.  I'm stated one price guaranteed for 5 years, but the bill never matches that price and dealing with their customer service is pretty much as bad as Comcast.  

At any rate, I have to get the house done before October 29 as I've decided to have a Halloween housewarming party.  I found a discontinued line of Halloween products called "Fangtastic" and was able to get invitations, tableware and decorations for dirt cheap - seriously, I got a 6 foot vampire biting a woman wall decal for $2 and a 6 foot wide hearse wall decal for $2.  All the tableware was $2 or $3 per package as well.  The most I spent on one item was $8 for the package of "human meat" that I'm going to use as a centerpiece.  I'm working on the menu right now, the only thing definite at this point is the Kat Litter Cake.  It's 2 cakes, crumbled cookies and melted tootsie rolls in a real cat litter pan (unused, of course) and a real "poop scoop".  I hope I can make it look as real as the pictures I've seen, it is soooooo disgusting, lol.  I love Halloween.  :)

Speaking of Hallloween, tonight I also picked up a bag of those "sticky eyeballs" that you throw against a wall and it slowly slides down.  I took one out and threw it at the wall and all 4 of my cats went crazy, lol.  

I finished the book I was reading, "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks".  It was a really good read.  I was going to re-read Phantom by Susan Kay, like I do every Autumn, but I think I'm going to push it back another month since I have so much to get done at the moment.  
 

FINAL UPDATE:  Listed after each clue below is the title of the song and the artist.  

UPDATE:  Okay, I added more lines to the songs listed below.  Here are a few other clues: I have diverse taste in music so don't figure out one and assume all the rest will fall into the same or similar genre - not going to happen, lol.  Two of the songs below now actually state the name of the song within the lyrics that have been revealed.  At least two of the songs below are country songs.  Don't think of today's music, there isn't one song listed that is popular right now and a few go back decades.

Here are the instructions:
Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track (title) correctly.
Step 4: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game, post your own.
Step 6: After a week, any songs left I will add the next line.

1. Is it an horrific dream? Am I sinking fast? Could a person be so mean, as to laugh and laugh?  The Hurting by Tears For Fears
2. I forget when words were only words, she knows the party makes me nervous  Busted by Matchbox 20
3. You know, if you break my heart I'll go, but I'll be back again  I'll Be Back by The Beatles
4. What's a matter with your life? Why you gotta mess with mine? Don't keep sweatin' what I do 'cause I'm gonna be just fine  None Of Your Business by Salt-N-Pepa
5. Down in Dallas, near the palace, I met a boy who was so cute  I Love You, Honey by Patsy Cline (also recorded by John Lee Hooker)
6. Every 311 trillion 40 billion years I manifest (manifest) and reappear, this time around I'm 15 billion years old  The Kardashev Scale by Greydon Square
7. In the jungle Tarzan, boy, Jane and the lion them never sleep, swing from wais' to wais', trees to trees and making funny sounds  Safari by Eek-A-Mouse
8. When life is but disappointment and nothing is amusing, the one wild hunt for loneliness is a life without god  But, What Ends When The Symbols Shatter by Death In June
9. There's a great American hero we all look up to, when the times are hard and the chips are down he knows just what to do  Cowboy Logic by Michael Martin Murphy
10. You, with your masquerading, and you, always contemplating what to do in case happiness found you  Pied Piper by Crispian St. Peters
11. Perhaps another day or maybe another place, could've eased my mind would've never seen your face or heard about you  Me About You by The Lovin' Spoonful (also recorded by The Turtles, Orpheus and Billie Davis)
12. Cut my tongue out, I've been cut out like a giant juggernaut, happy hour, golden showers, on a cruise to freak you out  When I Grow Up by Garbage
13. Trapped in a moment of history, you changed the world and the day was yours, laughing sun flashing from your smile  African Litany by Johnny Clegg
14. This fucking city is run by pigs, they take the rights away from all the kids  Police Story by Black Flag
15. I believe right now if I could I would swallow you whole, I would leave only bones and teeth, we could see what was underneath, and you would be free then  Undertow by Suzanne Vega
16. I can't find your face in a thousand masqueraders, you're hidden in the colors of a million other lost charaders  Hell (Is Living Without You) by Alice Cooper
17. I like black and white, dreaming in black and white, you like black and white, run runaway  Run Runaway by Slade
18. When she goes she's gone, if she stays, she stays here, the girl does what she wants to do, she knows what she wants to do  Fakin' It by Simon & Garfunkel
19. Blackout, heatwave, .44 caliber homicide, the bums drop dead and dogs go mad in packs on the west side  Close To The Borderline by Billy Joel
20. I am the crow of desperation, I need no fact or validation, I span relentless variation, I scramble in the dust of a failing nation  Lay My Love by Brian Eno

I used all 8000+ songs in my music folder, skipping instrumentals of course.

Today my parents and I drove up to Balsam Lake, Wisconsin.  We had a "summer place" there when my brother and I were kids and we'd spend every weekend there.  We spread my brother's ashes in the sandpit and the lake.  

That's at the sandpit.  When we were just kids we'd play there all day just climbing and digging and goofing off.  When we got older, teen years, we'd sneak down there at night with the other teens (a little bit older than us) and party.  That's where we had our first beers, lol.  We had a lot of good times at our lake place, so my parents and I agreed it would be the best place to spread his ashes.  I climbed up the sandpit to spread the ashes while my parents waited at the bottom.  That sandpit was a lot easier to climb when I was a kid.  :P  Not much had changed, just the people, but everything seemed a lot smaller than when I was a kid.  It brought back a flood of memories.  I remembered to inform my parents that I had rewritten my healthcare directive and last wishes - my mom wasn't comfortable with me donating my body to plastination so I decided that until my parents are gone I would remove that donation.  However, I am still willing my entire body to science, so if something happens to me before my parents I wanted to let them know that there wouldn't be any ashes to spread.  My mom is fine with me donating my whole body to science, she knows what a science geek I am, she just wasn't comfortable with my body being plastinated and on display.  

Anyway, I went out with my neighbor Friday night.  She wanted to take me out to celebrate my new home/move.  She's my parents age, so we ended up going to the N. St. Paul Legion.  Well, one good thing about being the youngest girl in the bar - free drinks all night long, lol.  Tomorrow is my mom's retirement party and my parents anniversary, so we're doing dinner at Outback and a small party afterwards.  August 13/14 I finish moving in to my new place, and we celebrate my mom's birthday and my parent's going away party.  August 17 my parents leave for Florida permanently and I get started on decorating my new house to my style.  I am predicting a period of depression after that, but since I'm only moving 3.5 miles maybe my neighbor will take me out for free drinks again to cheer me up.  :)  

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

For my brother
 

did I think I would feel this way, but right at this moment, as the sweat drips off of me, I kind of miss winter.  :P

I read comment after comment after comment about how allowing gay marriage is "forcing" others to accept gay marriage and no longer believe it is a sin.  Here is yet another attempt on my part to dumb it down enough to make it clear:  Allowing someone else the right to do something by no means takes away your right, forces you to participate or even to believe that what they are doing is moral.  

You do not have to accept gay marriage.  If the American government rules that gay marriage should be legal (and it will be all across the country eventually, mark my words since anything less is unconstitutional) it does not mean that YOU personally must now go out and marry someone of the same gender.  You do not have to believe gay marriage or homosexuality is moral.  Granting homosexuals the right to exist, or to legally marry, in NO WAY takes away any of YOUR rights whatsoever!

Here's another example to make it crystal clear.  I have grandparents, I've been exposed to their friends.  Believe me, I've heard many a bigoted remark about minorities; from African-Americans to homosexuals.  I've met people who (unfortunately) still believe slavery should be allowed.  So, whether gay marriage is legal or not, believe me, you are still free to be a bigot - no one has taken away that right.  Unfortunately, simply allowing gay marriage will not turn the already hardened hearts of so many, that will take time and education.  

I urge everyone to read the book "Ain't Nobody's Business If You Do; The Absurdity Of Consensual Crimes In A Free Society" by Peter McWilliams.  This really shouldn't be such a difficult concept to grasp.

I recall watching a few reruns of Colombo, but mostly I remember Peter Falk from The Princess Bride and one of my all-time favorite movies Wings of Desire.  RIP.

Why is it that quite often the people who believe that a parent should have the right to raise their child any way they see fit, up to and including letting the child die by not seeking medical care and opting for "prayer-only" healing, are the very same people that insist a woman should not be allowed to have an abortion?  

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